Identity Crisis
by Animecrazy13ify
Summary: Neliel and Nnoitora are having one of there usual fights when... A little accident happens that leads to a lot of general confusion.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Neliel wasn't in a very good mood. She was just having one of those days where you wake up and you just know that something terrible is going to happen. The terrible thing hadn't come to pass yet, but she had a feeling it had something to do with...

Speak of the devil.

Nnoitora was leaning up against a pillar a short way ahead of her. His enormous crescent moon blade was stuck in the ground next to him. He was staring at her with his usual mixture of hatred and lust. He didn't even _try _to hide it when his eyes drifted down from her face to her chest. She sighed and kept moving forward trying to ignore him, hoping he would just let her pass.

No such luck. His blade slammed into the wall next to her, so that the hilt was blocking her path. She let out another sigh and said to him exasperatedly, "What?"

"Do think your too good to even keep eye contact with me now? Or is it that you're scared?" he sneered back at her.

"Neither. I was just hoping to avoid one of the pointless confrontations that we usually have when we meet." she replied back calmly.

"Bitch!" he spat, "You think you can treat me with that attitude just because you're the third espada? Well you shouldn't even _have _that position. You don't deserve it. Everyone knows you just slept your way through the ranks! You filthy whore."

"Like you don't sell your body!" she snapped back. Nnoitora froze. Neliel bit her lip. She hadn't meant to rise up at his jives.

"You... Bitch!" he growled through gritted teeth, "Get your sword... And get outside... NOW!"

Neliel sighed again. Well, no getting out of this now.

* * *

Tesla stood on top of one of the white structures that were scattered through the replica desert of Las Noches. Below him his master and the third espada, Neliel Tu Odelshvank, were about to start their battle.

There was a commotion behind him and two more arrancar came running over to him. Tesla vaguely recognised them. He believed they were Neliel's fraccion.

"Oh, it's you." said Pessche, not bothering to hide the dislike in his voice.

"If you're around, that means Nnoitora's around, which means he's probably fighting Master Nel!" Dondachakka babbled senselessly. Tesla merely pointed towards the ground where the two espada were. The fraccion moved closer to the edge and surveyed the scene.

"Why does he bother?" asked Pessche, "It's obvious he's never going to defeat Master Nel."

Dondachakka nodded in agreement. Tesla had the overwhelming urge to cero them both into oblivion.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"I don't understand why we must do this _again."_ huffed Neliel, her hand on the hilt of her sword.

"Shut the fuck up bitch!" yelled Nnoitora from a few metres away, "Get ready to fight!"

"I am ready you imbecile. You're the one whose blathering." she said back calmly. This made Nnoitora snap and he lunged at her. It was the same as it always was. Him throwing himself at her from all sides, trying to land in a blow, a her deflecting his sword with ease. She wasn't even paying that much attention to the battle. Finally, she managed to land a blow that sent him flying. She sheathed her sword and looked over towards the doors that led towards the espada's quarters.

"All this has made me hungry." she said thoughtfully and started to walk towards them. But then, she felt a slight disturbance of reishi behind her, and unsheathed her sword again just in time to block Nnoitora's strike. The force of the two swords clashing sent the two espada stumbling into a crouch. They both were quick to move, and propelled themselves upwards and...

SMACK!

The two of them smashed their heads together with the force of eight trucks colliding head on. It was enough force to knock them both out cold.

* * *

Aizen was studying the hogyoku closely when he felt the disturbance of reishi. He looked up from what he was doing and concentrated. He felt Neliel and Nnoitora's spiritual pressure but it seemed... Different. It was almost as if...

"No, it couldn't be." he murmured, before turning back to his work.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Nnoitora opened his eyes with a groan and instantly became aware of the throbbing pain in his head. He also became instantly aware of the fact that Neliel's fraccion were leaning over him, concern on their faces.

"Hey-" the skinnier one of them (he couldn't remember their names), started to say before he punched them both and sat up screaming, "What the fuck?! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Both of them jumped sat up again, looking confused and hurt. Why the hell were they with him and not Neliel? And where was Tesla? He started to stand up, grumbling about the pain in his forehead and stupid fraccion when he saw a flash of green right next to him. Thinking it was Neliel trying to launch a surprise attack on him, he reached for his sword... And found it wasn't there. He furrowed his brow in confusion.

_I thought I must've dropped it around here somewhere... _he thought, turning his head... And a lot more green flashed into his vision. He froze. He reached up and tugged at the green lock that was dangling down over his face. He felt a slight pain in his scalp when he did so. Slowly, his looked at his hands. They were smaller and softer than they had ever been in his entire life. The nails were perfectly manicured and the skin was a few shades darker than his usually was. His gaze travelled down further and he realised that he wasn't... Flat chested any more. Trembling, his hand reached up higher and he felt the presence of a mask on top of his head. And another scary thing... _He could see out of both of his eyes._

"Wha-wha-wha..."

* * *

A short distance away Neliel, had woken up too. She was very surprised to find Tesla leaning over her and not Pessche or Dondachakka.

"Oh thank god! You're awake!" Tesla said, relief showing on his face. This confused her even more and so she said, "Tesla? Shouldn't you be with Nnoitora?"

Now it was the fraccion's turn to look confused. Despite the pain in her head, Neliel forced herself to sit up, and immediately felt off balance. Something was very wrong. She couldn't see out of her left eye.

_Oh no, _she thought, _don't tell me his thick skull smashed my eyeball..._

But that couldn't be right. The pain in her head was on the right side of her head, and not near her eye. Carefully, she stood up. And she was shocked. She now towered at least two feet over Tesla and the ground was **much **further away then it had been before. A slight breeze ruffled her hair and she snatched a lock of it. Instead of the green she was used to, the strand was pitch black. Her hand came up to her face with a jangle, (she realised she was wearing bracelets), and felt her left eye. She felt fabric and when her fingers slipped under it she felt the remnants of a hollow mask underneath.

She looked around frantically and spotted a very strange sight. She was looking at... _herself _staring down at her own body with a look of pure horror.

"Oh..." she said faintly, as reality crashed over her. Somehow, she and Nnoitora had managed to swap bodies.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Nel took a deep breath, closed her eyes and counted slowly to ten. Once she was a bit calmer, she slowly approached... Herself and said uncertainly, "Nnoitora?"

She watched as her own face turned towards her, and watched her eyes widen in horror.

"Um, Nnoitora..." she started, but was interrupted by the scream that Nnoitora let out upon seeing her.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" he screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"

"Please calm down..." she said gently. It was very strange seeing herself in hysterics, seeing that she was usually a composed person.

"Wait a minute..." said a familiar voice behind her. She turned to see Pessche and Dondachakka standing behind her looking confused. It was disconcerting being taller than both of them.

"M-Master Nel?" whispered Dondachakka. She gave them a small smile and replied, "Yes, it's me. I'm not sure what's happened, but please believe me. I'm definitely Neliel in here."

Nel noticed that the voice she spoke with was actually Nnoitora's voice. And the shouts that were coming from Nnoitora were from her voice as well.

"So that's...?" said Pessche uncertainly, looking over at Nnoitora. Tesla as well was glancing between the two espada, a look of utter confusion mixed in with a bit of panic spread across his face. At that moment, Nnoitora seemed to calm down enough to actually speak.

"What is going on?!" he panted, "What the hell? Why am I... Why am I... Why am I a fucking _woman?_ And who the hell... Why am I looking at myself?!"

"It appears we have switched bodies, Nnoitora," said Nel calmly. Nnoitora froze and beige eyes narrowed.

"Neliel?" he hissed. She gave him a curt nod. Somehow, he managed to make his eyes go wider.

"Oh no. So if you're in _my _body then this is..." he looked down again and starting whispering, "Oh no. Oh god no. Anything but this."

"Uh, Master Nnoitora..." said Tesla tentatively.

"Shut the hell up Tesla!"

"Calm down," said Nel again. She then added, "Now that's _my _body you're in, so please treat it with respect and I will do the same to yours."

Nnoitora growled at this, but didn't make any argument. She stared at him a minute longer before saying, "Now, we need to find a way to reverse what has happened."

"No shit!" snapped Nnoitora. Nel frowned at him and said, "We need to find someone who knows how to deal with this sort of thing."

"Um, Master Nnoitora?" said a voice next to them. They looked over to see Tesla staring at Nel. He suddenly realised that his master wasn't in that body and turned to the other one before saying, "You could always go and see Szyael Apporro Grantz."

"The mad scientist?" grunted Nnoitora. Tesla nodded.

"Let's go then," replied Nel.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Grimmjow was in a pretty good mood. Nothing bad had happened today. He had managed to avoid getting beaten up by both Ulquiorra and Tosen, and he hadn't seen Gin around at all so he hadn't had to put up with the incessant teasing. The only thing that was a little bit of a downer was that there was no one around for him to fight. The corridors of Las Noches were completely deserted.

Well, not quite. Racing towards him now were the third and eighth espada, Neliel and Nnoitora. Grimmjow frowned. It was common knowledge that the two of them hated each other so... It was strange that they were together and not trying to kill each other. But what Grimmjow found even more strange were the expressions on their faces. Nel usually had a smile on her face when she walked around, but this time... She looked absolutely _furious__. _Her teeth were gritted and her eyes may as well have been glowing red she looked so angry. Nnoitora on the other hand... He had a _worried _expression on his face. Worried and _thoughtful. _As far as Grimmjow knew, Nnoitora barely thought about anything.

"Hey Nel, what's the matter?" he asked cautiously, his curiosity piqued.

"Oh, fuck off Jaggerjaques!" shouted Nel, before storming off down the corridor. Whatever reaction Grimmjow was expecting from her, it wasn't _that. _Nel never swore and never raised her voice. As surprising as this was, what was even _more _surprising was when Nnoitora called out after her, "You don't need to be so rude you know!"

He then turned to Grimmjow and said apologetically, "I'm sorry about him. Please continue on your way!"

After this odd apology, he ran off after Nel. Grimmjow stared after them, dumbstruck. It wasn't until they both vanished from sight that he managed to force out, "What the fuck?"

* * *

Taped to the door of the mad scientist's laboratory was a hastily sketched sign that read: **Enter and I will kill you. **

"He's not very friendly, is he?" mused Nel as the two of them read the sign.

"Who cares?" snapped Nnoitora, before ignoring the sign and opening the door. The two of them descended a small flight of stairs before finding themselves in an enormous laboratory. It was almost completely dark except for some soft artificial glow from some of the many machines that cluttered up the room. Nel spotted what looked like some giant test tubes filled with liquid, and noticed that there were some deformed shapes suspended in the liquid. She decided _not _to make a closer inspection.

A few metres away, meticulously pouring one beaker of fluid into another, was Szayel Aporro Grantz. Like all of the arrancars, he was dressed entirely in white. At the moment, Nel could only see the back of him, but she noticed the scruffy shock of pink hair he had on his head. A rather unusual hair colour. Not that she could talk. Her hair was normally green.

"Grantz!" shouted Nnoitora suddenly. This made the other arrancar let out a high pitched squeak and overbalance one of the test tubes, sloshing the bright blue substance over his hand and the table top. Without a moments hesitation, Szayel whipped off the glove that had been soaked in the substance and threw it on the ground, where it proceeded to be eaten away into nothing. Meanwhile, the liquid on the ground had started to eat away the floor. It ate away a small potion of it before dropping down through to the next level. Nel thought she heard a faint shout of alarm and hoped it hadn't landed on anyone's head.

"Honestly," grumbled Grantz, staring at the hole. He then turned around snapping, "Didn't you read the-" he cut off when he realised who had barged into his laboratory. His scowl was immediately replaced with a fake smile as he said, "Why, if it isn't the tres and octava espada themselves!" he offered them a mocking bow, "Welcome to my humble abode."

"Shut up Grantz. We need help," snapped Nnoitora. Szayel looked up at him curiously. Nel decided to take over, "Please. We hope we won't take up too much of your time."

Szayel turned his inquisitive gaze to Nel now. He narrowed his eyes and said slowly, "Master... Master Neliel? Is that you?"

Nel was surprised. She had heard that he was a genius, but she hadn't thought he would have figured out their problem that easily.

"Yeah, she's in my body and I'm stuck in hers. We switched," grumbled Nnoitora. Szayel straightened up and made a gesture for them to explain. Once they had both told their sides of the story, Nel noticed the scientist was barely suppressing and smile.

"Most fascinating..." he said. He did look genuinely intrigued.

"We need help reversing... Whatever it is that has happened," explained Nel. Szayel clasped his chin in his hand and was silent for a moment. Then he looked up at them both and said, "Well, I've never seen anything like this before. It will probably take me some days to figure out what has actually happened."

"Some days!?" yelled Nnoitora. Szayel frowned at him and said, "No need to shout. But I will need to examine your reishi and examine the reishi in the area you were in when it happened. I'll let you know when I find something."

"And what are we supposed to do?" snapped Nnoitora. The scientist shrugged and replied, "I'll leave that up to you two to decide. Now if you excuse me, I have to clean up this mess."

And with that he turned on his heel and vanished into the darkness of the lab, no doubt to find materials to fix up the hole in the floor.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

After being kicked out of the laboratory, Nel and Nnoitora just stood outside in the corridor for awhile, taking in what they had just heard. Nnoitora couldn't believe it. He was going to be stuck in a woman's body for _days. _And not just any woman's body. _Neliel's _body. It was almost too much for him to bare. He looked over at Nel, but had to look away quickly. Staring at himself outside of a mirror was just too disturbing.

"So... How did it go?" asked one of her fraccion, standing up from where he, the other fraccion and Tesla had been sitting. Nnoitora shot the fraccion a death glare to end all death glares but otherwise remained silent. Nel sighed and told her fraccion and Tesla what had happened inside the lab, finishing with the fact that they were going to be stuck like this for a couple of days.

"Now Nnoitora," she said, suddenly all business-like. He grunted in Nel's high voice to show that he was listening. She paused for a moment before continuing, "I know you don't like me..."

"How'd you guess?" he snapped at her sarcastically.

"But we're both in the same boat here," she continued like he hadn't spoken, "And we've got to decide what we're going to do with ourselves until Szayel can cure us."

"I don't care about you, but I'm going into solitary confinement until a cure is found."

"You can't do that. I _never _spend days on end in my room alone. People will know something is up if you do that."

"So what?"

"Think. It was bad enough that we had to tell Szayel. If you give us away think of what we'll have to put up with. Gin, Grimmjow..."

Nnoitora froze. "Oh hell. Didn't think about that."

"Obviously not," she sighed and grimaced before saying, "Our only option is to try our hardest to... act like each other."

Nnoitora gave her a look like she'd just told him she was pregnant with his child. "NO... FUCKING... WAY."

"I don't like it either but it's the only choice we have!" she said exasperatedly. He thought about it. He could either choose acting like Neliel for a few days or put up with Gin and Grimmjow's teasing and god knows what else for the rest of his life. It was a very hard choice. Finally, begrudgingly, he muttered, "Fine."

"Good. We're probably going to have to tutor each other on how we act. And if we have any trouble along the way," she glanced over at the three fraccion and offered them a smile, "I'm sure our fraccion can help us."

Nnoitora sneered, and then realised something was missing. He glanced around quickly and the shouted, "Aw, shit!"

Nel sighed and said, "I know it's bad but..."

"Not that! We left our fucking swords out in the desert!"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

After Gamuza and Santa Teresa had been retrieved, Nel turned to Nnoitora and said coolly, "Now, we've come to an agreement that we need to keep up our appearances while Szayel sorts out our... Problem. In order to do that we need to act like each other."

"No shit," muttered Nnoitora. Nel frowned and replied, "You need to drop that attitude if you're going to act like me."

"Oh yeah? Well bitch, if you're going to act like me you're going to have to..."

"Start acting like a complete idiot?"

"FUCK YOU BITCH!" screamed Nnoitora as he attempted to swing Santa Teresa at her. But, being unaccustomed to Nel's smaller body, he over swung promptly overbalanced. Confused he examined Santa Teresa and muttered, "What the fuck? Why is this so heavy?"

Nel sighed and wordlessly held out Gamuza to him. He looked at the sword then looked at her with a frown on his face.

"What're you trying to pull?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"If we are going to be each other," she explained, "Then it would make sense to match the swords with the body. It might arouse a bit of suspicion if others saw me walking around with Santa Teresa."

Nnoitora hesitated for a moment before begrudgingly passing Santa Teresa to her whilst also taking Gamuza from her. Nel raised an eyebrow. Santa Teresa was possibly one of the heaviest things she had ever held in her life. Whatever possessed him to get a sword this big was beyond her. It was hardly practical.

She embedded the sword in the sand and then turned her attention to Nnoitora, who was staring down at Gamuza with no small amount of disdain. She cleared her throat to get his attention and he looked up, sneering.

"Stop sneering," she said, "I don't sneer. I either look happy or neutral. You should know that by now."

"Oh fuck y-"

"Ah! No swearing. You have to remember that if you want to look convincing," Nel ordered. She narrowed her eyes and looked him over, seeing if the image was complete.

"Stand up straighter. You're slouching, and I don't-"

"And you don't slouch, I get it!" snapped Nnoitora. He then straightened his spine and pushed his shoulders back. "Happy?"

She nodded before saying, "You have to be polite to people. I know this will be a challenge but... You'll have to manage."

"And _you've _got to drop the politeness," snapped Nnoitora, "I thinking you fu- I mean, I think you know how I act by now."

Nel smiled slightly and Nnoitora sneered. Nel sighed and said, "Please try to keep up on this act until we've switched our bodies back to normal."

"I hope that mad scientist hurries it up and finds a way to fix this thing. I don't think I can take being in _you're _body for too long."

Nel wasn't listening. She was staring at something behind him with a mixed look of shock, horror and embarrassment. Frowning, Nnoitora turned slowly... And found himself staring into a pair of bright green eyes. Ulquiorra was standing right there, and from Nel's expression, he had overheard the last part of their conversation.

"Uh, Ulquiorra, it's complicated..."

"Don't fucking tell anyone or I'll..."

Their babbling continued for a moment before they realised Ulquiorra didn't seem too interested in them. But then again, he never looked too interested in anything. Suddenly he spun on his heels and started to walk away, calling over his shoulder, "I don't really care what you two are up to, but it seems that I have become temporarily deaf and am unable to hear a word you're saying."

The other two Espada sighed with relief.


End file.
